He should have kept Quiet

Today Billy treated us to breakfast at our favourite café, I was reading the menu up on the wall, for want of something better to whilst Billy looked on Google for flights to Jamaica. 

Anyway, I read aloud in shock from the menu 2 toast, 2 hash browns, beans, 4 rashes of bacon, 4 sausages………… I didn’t read the rest.

4 sausages, does anyone actually eat 4 sausages? That’s just greedy.  Mr K the proprietor wiggled his finger at a table in the corner, just as one of the guys at said table turned to look at me and said “I’m not greedy, I’m just hungry.  Well, Mr K was doubled up clutching his belly quietly laughing, unseen,  behind the counter Billy and I had to contain ourselves (with great difficulty) I managed to apologise to the guy but it was hard not to laugh out loud. Mr K kept looking at me and laughing from his hiding place.  Billy and I managed to have a half decent conversation, finish our breakfast and leave the establishment without further ado.

When we got outside we split our sides laughing “I’m not greedy, I’m hungry”.  I told Billy, good grief, if that’s what he eats when he is hungry I would hate to see him eating when he’s starving and he should have kept his mouth shut, I wasn't talking to, or about him so the saying is very true, 'If you listen in to other people's conversations you won't hear anything good about yourself!'

Mistaken Identity

we were on the plane at Heathrow, homeward bound, Manchester here we come.  The aisle seat was taken up at the last minute by a man who caused Billy to sit up all excited and whisper to me "That's Phil Neal, used to play for Liverpool, I know it is. it's him".

As I was getting pen and paper out of my bag so that he could get an autograph, I heard Billy saying "You're Phil Neal". and I heard the man saying "No, I never have been and I never will be!" He then closed his eyes and appeared to be sleeping all through the flight.

Billy told me the guy was lying.

Back home Billy was telling Josh about the incident and he Googled Phil Neal as he was talking, so he could show Josh who it was.  Well we screamed laughing when it appeared that Billy had been sitting beside Phil THOMPSON after all and the poor man had not been lying about his identity hahaha ha ha

"Billy, you Plonker!"

Taking the P** at Duty Free

Mumbai Airport, fist of all we sat for a coffee/tea and inviting a fellow traveller to join us at out table we were pleasantly surprised to discover he lives less than ten miles from us in Manchester UK ha ha ha. 

We went to duty free after our refreshments to buy a bottle of Malibu, very good price too (did you know they don't sell cigarettes at Mumbai Airport)??  Anyway. bottle of Malibu in hand we approached the till, boarding card, passport and money handed over.  Not so quick my friends....

The two guys serving us declined our Rupees,  "We only accept Rupees from people with an Indian passport",  we were informed.   I responded by declining to buy the bottle and giving them the trouble of undoing the transaction and we walked away.

Seconds later an Airport member of staff approached and asked did we need a smoking room and was everything OK?

"Not really", I told him and explained the problem with the Rupees.  We were informed that these two jokers are supposed to take Rupees off everybody and are pulling are trick to get Dollars and GB pounds (exchange rate scam).  Then the airport gentleman stood by the cash desk right in front of the two jerks and helped u to approach people asking if they had an Indian passport and when we did find a chap who did have an Indian passport and was willing to take our Rupees and buy the Malibu, the fun began.

The kindly chap went to the cash desk and asked for the bottle of Malibu which just happened to still be sitting there.  He handed over our money and was passing his passport over and surprise, surprise, the jerk at the till called me over and asked for my passport, let the Indian passport holder go, and served me the Malibu in exchange for Rupees AND then had the bloody temerity to ask me to buy another one since he had my passport details already in his till.   Aaaargh!  I don't thinks so mate - Up Yours!!!